BL-24 - Flipbook - Page 148
TRIVIAL PURSUITS
I went back to The Berkeley for phase
two of my mission. The test driving
of fancy cars was something I often
parlayed into my romantic life back
in the day, or at least the hope of a
romantic life. Then I came to learn
that it’s stressful enough driving a six
or seven-昀椀gure car with which one is
unfamiliar without the extra dollop of
nervousness that comes with trying
to charm your way into someone’s
knickers at the same time.
A Phantom is as at home in Belgravia as a three-wheeler in Peckham
Lunaz’s founder, David Lorenz, took
me through the controls before leaving
me to my own devices. At which point
I put Led Zeppelin on full blast and
wafted my way around Belgravia and
Knightsbridge. It was Halloween, and
the streets were thick with witches,
vampires and skeletons. The Phantom
is spectral not only in name. Even
without an exhaust pipe, it seems
to create its own fog. Scarier still is
its titanic length, which means you
have to be very careful around SW1’s
tighter corners, not helped by wing
mirrors that reveal almost nothing. The
turning circle, David told me, has been
much improved, but I’d still measure
it in postcodes. The steering is light at
speed, but the crawling pace of Sadiq
Khan’s traf昀椀c means you really have
to put your back into it. Manoeuvring
it in rush hour was like trying to fold
the Natural History Museum. Yet it
glides with ethereal beauty, and draws
open-mouthed stares not of envy but
respect. Pedestrians stop and bow
slightly without realising they’re
doing it. You could drive it over a
fainted guardsman and not feel a
bump. Rolls-Royce always talk about
the champagne test: Can you 昀氀oor
it without spilling your passengers’
drinks? The torque delivery here is
even smoother than Sir Henry Royce
managed.
A Phantom is really all about rear
passengers, so I went and picked some
up. I swung by the Fox & Hounds on
Passmore Street, my local, and loaded
four regular punters and the landlady
in the back (there are two additional
昀氀ip-down seats either side of the
custom whisky bar) while the barmaid
gamely shared the bench seat upfront
and played co-pilot. The pub was left
unsupervised as we cruised the length
of the King’s Road, which I’m sure
did marvellous things for the pro昀椀ts.
Therefore, for my next test I employed
a chauffeur who would dispatch my
date and I to and from the Royal
Albert Hall to see the Irish rock band
Inhaler. Apt, I felt, given the Phantom
V is the most rock n’ roll car of all
time. The pulchritudinous date in
question was far out of my league
you won’t be surprised to hear, much
like the car, but if The Berkeley and a
Phantom weren’t going to do the trick,
nothing was. For a few glorious hours
the world seemed to belong entirely to
us – or at least to Adar Poonawalla’s
insurance company.
It has at least earned me the promise
of a second date, though I’m not sure a
basement 昀氀at and an Uber is going to
get the job done. The Lunaz Phantom
allowed me to dream for a day.
Checking into The Berkeley with family in tow – the shorter-wheelbase Lunaz Silver Cloud
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